I’m not a heroin addict – and indeed have never tried using it – and it is not due to the obvious reasons (ex. it is stupid). It’s because I am horrendously afraid of needles.

I’m sure from time to time I may talk about my insane hypothyroidism. I may even discuss my general phobia of medical procedures – and regular appointments fall under that category – and my overall wussiness when it comes to doctor appointments. How back pain sucks, etc. etc. etc. However, the Mac Daddy of all my issues, is a fear of needles.

I mention this as I ride the unmedicated high of having just gotten a blood test. Yep. That’s right. I just went and got a blood test, on the fly, without medication. I am a badass.

I’ll tell you that this is a very frustrating phobia. It prevents me from getting acupuncture, which I heartily endorse from having seen how much it helps loved ones (and this includes my dog – which is a whole other post for another day). It makes me wait way too long to go to the dentist. And it makes me very frustrated with every one around me who just doesn’t get it. All of my life I have been asked, “What about it actually bothers you?” My answer is usually, “Why doesn’t it bother you [you moron/idiot/condescending jackass]?”

I really can’t conceive of anyone being comfortable with having a metal rod stuck in their vein. I have a high pain threshold. I’ve put my hand inside wounds on a pet that was clear down to the bone. I’m amazingly cool under pressure and super-fantastic in a crisis – which includes people around me having medical emergencies themselves. But come towards me with a needle and I’m more than likely not going to handle it well. A couple of truly bad experiences (inept people who prodded for a vein way too long, poked my arm twice with no results, then discussed in front of me going in through the hand which prompted me to get up and get the hell out of there) pushed me into the realm of needing anti-anxiety drugs to even consider getting blood drawn. This complicates the issue even more since then you have to enlist someone to actually drive you to your appointment like a child, and then have to take an entire day off from work. So it is a huge relief to me that I am back to taking a test without drugs. The key seems to be the last minute-ness of it and not having enough time to panic. Maybe. Also, the phlebotomist at the place I am currently going to is very good.

Anyway, I have yet another appointment with my endocrinologist to check on my thyroid at the end of this week. Yawn. I’m not in a good place right now thinking about how I have never been fully well since being diagnosed with hypothyroidism when I was 26 (yep, that is 17 years of fun with the thyroid gland). I’ve kind of given up on it improving and am just trying to be happy with things the way they stand health wise (I’m trying). The appointment is really just to keep me in drugs so that things don’t get worse. The thing is that there is no getting out of the blood test come appointment time. I have already rescheduled this appointment once and was considering doing it again. But then I just got it together and went for the test in an all-fired, last-minute rush today. This, I confess, was due to the work of my very crafty partner Mike.

We’ve been shopping for a couch as part of my studio revamp project. I found a couch I liked, but it was much more expensive than I felt comfortable with. So I offered to split the cost of the couch with him, and I would pay my half off to him in installments (guilt!). His counter offer was for him to pay for the whole thing if I would go get a blood test. So. That is how I paid for a couch in blood. What a whore. But wait till you see my couch! 3-4 weeks.

My partner Mike had a team building event at his workplace where his team all took the “Strengths Finder 2.0” test. He said it really helped him/them and he suggested I take the test too. I was more curious how he and I compared in our “top 5” but also thought it might help me understand how I might boost my enthusiasm/productivity for my current job.

The test is based on a concept of working within our own strengths, rather than wasting time on trying to become proficient in areas that are deemed weaknesses. It is indeed an interesting concept; one I was not willing to shell out $25 dollars for I’m afraid. Mike purchased the book for me because I was too cheap. So I took the test.

I was weirdly…disappointed?..in my results. They all seemed so uninteresting and to be absolutely honest I felt like they were… well…kind of pretentious and obnoxious. Wow.  That felt good. Confession. You can take the girl out of the catholic church but you can’t take the guilt and persecution out of the girl.

So here they are:

1. Strategic: “People who are especially talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.” (My take: I can tell you what to do, but can’t do it myself.)
2. Ideation: “People who are especially talented in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.” (My take: ooh, look at the bird!)
3. Intellection: “People who are especially talented in the Intellection theme are characterized by their intellectual activity. They are introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions.” (My take: all talk, no action and me, me, me, me!)
4. Relator: “People who are especially talented in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.” (My take: you need too much external approval.)
5. Empathy: “People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others’ lives or others’ situations.” (My take: the person who secretly cries in the bathroom at work.)

Refer to: http://www.strengthsfinder.com/home.aspx for the real information and for photo credit. The snarky “My takes:”s are courtesy of me and are meant to be funny not offensive. Mike and I share some traits and he will totally get my humour here (I’m even spelling that Canadian and I’d like points please).

I had an initial recoil reading through this stuff. I remember being in my very early twenties and being put through all kinds of management classes in the corporate arena. There were so many “insightful” tests which were supposed to tell you who you were, what you were good at, and whether or not you were being utilized correctly in your team or management role. This system seems very similar.

Once you get your Top 5 you then read through a more involved description. After each description they ask you to highlight the phrases or sections that stand out to you. Then you are supposed to indicate what you most want people to see in, or recognize about, you. I actually found that pretty insightful. Those two things do not always match up and maybe that is a good way of getting in touch with what you value in…well, in life I guess.

Then the wonky part; they give you some action steps. Some of them are just a little over simplified. For example, one action item instructs, “Seek a career in which you will be given credit for and paid for your ideas, such as marketing, journalism, design, or new product development.” I mean, does anyone see the big giant problem with this? I’m not even sure I have the energy to articulate it.

All of that aside, it is interesting – and slightly, narcissistically, embarrassing – information to have. I’m just not sure what to do with it. It might end up in a drawer somewhere. Too Me-centric to throw out, but too Me-centric to wave around (the irony of writing about this is not lost on me). It got me thinking though. And I am going to try to do something productive with it. I hope.

Did you ever hear from an old friend and are just so glad?! I am not one to keep in touch with high school friends. I didn’t have any traumatic experiences in high school, but I definitely couldn’t wait to get out of there and just start a life that wasn’t dictated by geographical proximity. I kept in touch with two really good high school friends over the years. Then they both kind of dropped off the map. Then about 11 years ago one came back into the fold and just recently so did the second one. We were such good friends. I was her maid of honor at her wedding and she married a wonderful man. She now has two adorable daughters.

We have been trading emails back and forth catching up. The emails feel more like old school letter writing with us asking tons of questions about funny incidents we remember from being 16, asking about each other’s siblings, parents, pets. It is just so wonderful. She and her family were a part of some of my most precious memories from my youth and it is truly wonderful catching up. We are also talking about possibly getting together – husband/partner in tow – at her family camp up in Maine and I really hope we do it. I would love to see her, and be there and share that part of my life and that place with Mike.

So, sometimes, hearing from an old high school friend is a good thing and until just recently I would have been the last person to have said that.

I’m done now though. These two who are back in my life are enough! Quality over quantity.

I thought about spending the time to really put something interesting here. Something witty, or fun, or at least well written to really start out on the right foot. But hey, maybe I have two left feet because all I can think to confess is that I actually feel like a web-idiot and I’m rather mired in trying to make this website look the way I want it to without investing any more money into it. I have no idea if this space will be something I end up wanting to do on a regular enough basis to justify it’s existence. So I’m going to go away for a while and figure out how to at least set it up the way I think I would like it to look and feel and then worry about the actual content afterwards.

This is supposed to be fun. Right?